Monday, December 8, 2008

Then how the reindeer loved him

I saw Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer the other night, the stop-motion animation one with the Burl Ives songs. It's pretty disturbing, more so than I'd remembered. Here's what happens the day Rudolph is born:

Donner (Rudolph's father): Wow, my new son is so cool. He looks just like everybody else! Awesome!
[Suddenly and without explanation, Rudolph's nose begins to glow and make a terrible sound.]
Donner: Ahh! My son is broken! Oh no, this is horrible! Santa is going to hate him! What can I do? I have to hide him quick before Santa comes!
Santa: Ho ho ho! Hello Donner! I've come to see your new son! Ho ho ho!
[As if on cue, Rudolph's nose starts glowing again and making the same irritating high-pitched noise as before.]
Santa: Um, Donner? What uh... what's going on here? Your son is... broken. Is this some kind of joke? What's the matter with you people? I swear to god Donner, unless you repair this demented son of yours, I will never let him perform manual labor for me!
[Santa sings a song about how wonderful Christmas is and then leaves.]
Donner: Aw, gee. Santa's right. My new son sucks...

Things go downhill from there.